The Big Parcel
Jul 27, 2018
If you have ever been to a Nigerian ATM, you have probably witnessed one, some or all of these kind of people.
These ones always look very confident. As soon as they step up to the ATM, they clear their throats and begin to punch all the keys. 15 minutes after, they are still at it. At this point, you hear someone from the queue scream out.
“Abeg, if you no know wetin you dey do, make person help you o!” Too proud to acknowledge that he/she can’t go about their business properly, the person at the ATM looks towards the person complaining with pride-filled eyes before saying “Oya come na”.
You know those who appear at the ATM queue, make a simple remark, disappear and only reappear several minutes later to a secure position on the queue. These are the ones who come to the queue just to tell you that they are behind you and then they disappear. Just when you have almost forgotten they exist, they show up to cause even more commotion.
These are the people who spend a lot of time at the ATM. Just when you think they are done, they pull out a second and maybe third ATM card. At this point, those at the bottom of the queue have either started grumbling or cursing.
This is the worst of all. Has the ATM ever retained or ‘swallowed’ your debit card on a Friday evening? Be ready for a hellish weekend if this happens to you.
How can one stand on a queue for over an hour and forty-five minutes and then receive the ‘Card Is Not Smart’ prompt afterwards? Indeed, life isn’t fair at all.
Most banks care about your money but do they care so much about you? When you join that ATM queue, it is either the sun serves you a heavy blow or the rain beats the hell out of you.
While you are leaving the ATM queue, you can feel your phone beep more than once. Yeah, nothing more heart wrenching than making a withdrawal and being debited multiple times. You feel even worse when you realize you have to file a report and it might take a number of working days before it is even actioned.
These ones can bring their duvet to the ATM. When it’s time to punch in their PIN, they open their arms and then move left, right and left again like goalkeepers warming up to catch a penalty. Even when no one is next to them, they just keep looking over their shoulders. Not even the loud hisses from the others on the queue deters them from safeguarding their fortune.
You know those who try to jump the ATM queue and when they get checked, you hear something like “Do you know who I am”? Don’t even bother asking that person who he/she is because in reality, the person is only going to stutter and utter gibberish.
You have probably seen those people who get to the ATM and then pose like they are in front of a mirror. It takes them 7 minutes to punch in their PIN, another 5 minutes to check their account balance and forever to withdraw ₦1000. Then, they go through the same process to withdraw another ₦1000 and another. Don’t curse, let the person enjoy his/her turn.
These ones just ignore the queue and walk towards the ATM. Don’t bother questioning them because they are older and this is Africa. If you think you know your rights too much and you dare question them, you will hear something similar to this: “I’m old enough to be your father” or “Children of nowadays”.